Introducing my new style icon.

Adam Ant circa 1980: influencing my makeup choices since last month when I realized what an excellent song 'Prince Charming' is.

All Is Violent, All Is Bright

Sometimes you just have one of those days where everything seems solemn and sort of heavy, even if it's completely irrational. In my case, predictably, this is almost always triggered by some minor love-life-related incident. On the upside, in my 20 years on this planet I have managed to gain the perspective necessary to see minor love-life-related incidents as exactly that - minor - and I find it best to pass the moods with sympathetic music.

In a side note - and this is going to sound spoilt and bitchy but fuck it - it is annoying as hell to be followed around and stared at and complimented and all manner of other usually good things when it's in the context of someone being obviously interested in fucking or dating you, or both, and you would rather grow old and die completely alone than devote one more second of your time to even considering such an unappealing idea.

I don't even care, you bitches know I'm right. It is awkward and uncomfortable and you don't want to be mean about it but if they don't take the hint and quit humping your leg you're going to have to pull out the bitchface and that's a generally unpleasant prospect. If you're disagreeing, that's because you've never had it happen to you, and on that note, you should count your blessings.

Conversely, if you have had the displeasure of experiencing intense unwanted affection, it makes you hyper-aware of any time when you are interested in someone and you're not sure if said interest is returned. At least, that's how it works for me. I am suddenly very aware that there is a pretty good chance that any overt gestures are going to result in quiet but unmitigated irritation.

Or this.

I have yet to come up with a suitably subtle solution to this problem - because sometimes, just busting out with 'So, let's have sex!' doesn't seem to be the best option, and most people I know are too nice to snap out an unequivocal 'Look, I'm not interested.' I'm working on it, but until I find the answer, I think I'm going to have to stick to dear friends with Mogwai DVDs.

On compulsive curtain-drawing and the surrounding anxiety.

Sometimes I think about my predilection for closing my curtains the second darkness falls, and how it’s driven entirely by one night in my youth when I realized that even with net curtains, when night falls it’s easy to see straight into a lit room from the outside. Coupled with my horror of ever seeing an unfamiliar face peering back at me when I look out the windows, I am driven to obscure the windows altogether.

It occurred to me that perhaps curtain-habits are indicative – to a certain extent – of personality. I’ve known people who never close their curtains at all, lest they miss something interesting happening at their neighbour’s place. Is nosiness symptomatic of boredom in one’s own life? Conversely, is a secretive habit like my own suggestive of a certain amount of vanity? After all, why would anyone be interested in watching me watch TV after dinner?

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Sometimes I feel like, in my everlasting search for Something New on the wondrous world wide web, I'm really just looking for reasons to shake my head at humanity and reassure myself that I am far, far above these hideous creatures who don't learn, know nothing of importance, torture, maim and kill. Half the time that's exactly what I find. The other half consists mostly of porn and videos of cats.