All Is Violent, All Is Bright

Sometimes you just have one of those days where everything seems solemn and sort of heavy, even if it's completely irrational. In my case, predictably, this is almost always triggered by some minor love-life-related incident. On the upside, in my 20 years on this planet I have managed to gain the perspective necessary to see minor love-life-related incidents as exactly that - minor - and I find it best to pass the moods with sympathetic music.

In a side note - and this is going to sound spoilt and bitchy but fuck it - it is annoying as hell to be followed around and stared at and complimented and all manner of other usually good things when it's in the context of someone being obviously interested in fucking or dating you, or both, and you would rather grow old and die completely alone than devote one more second of your time to even considering such an unappealing idea.

I don't even care, you bitches know I'm right. It is awkward and uncomfortable and you don't want to be mean about it but if they don't take the hint and quit humping your leg you're going to have to pull out the bitchface and that's a generally unpleasant prospect. If you're disagreeing, that's because you've never had it happen to you, and on that note, you should count your blessings.

Conversely, if you have had the displeasure of experiencing intense unwanted affection, it makes you hyper-aware of any time when you are interested in someone and you're not sure if said interest is returned. At least, that's how it works for me. I am suddenly very aware that there is a pretty good chance that any overt gestures are going to result in quiet but unmitigated irritation.

Or this.

I have yet to come up with a suitably subtle solution to this problem - because sometimes, just busting out with 'So, let's have sex!' doesn't seem to be the best option, and most people I know are too nice to snap out an unequivocal 'Look, I'm not interested.' I'm working on it, but until I find the answer, I think I'm going to have to stick to dear friends with Mogwai DVDs.

Today has been all about music; with a little luck the night will continue in the same theme.

Today I tidied my room and listened to these songs in a sort of endless cycle:

With the occasional bout of this:

and this:

and this:

Basically I am hoping to continue the night in much the same fashion, with plenty of this:

On post-rock and days in limbo.

I am in that place between ventures which is simultaneously relaxed and uncomfortable - or maybe uncomfortable because of all the relaxation - there always seems to be something amiss when you're not active. It's a little like being the only person who doesn't have a worried look on their face; it means you've probably missed something, and you're going to feel very silly when the penny drops.

At any rate, I've been passing the unseasonably rain-drenched days tucked away in my room, obsessively building a collection of post-rock, a genre I have basically ignored up until now. On a not-so-special night last week, I realized I had been listening to Explosions In The Sky for three hours straight. I have not looked back and it has been excellent.